Suburban Tales: 2006

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The power of nothingness bores me.

You don't even have to like me, just play chess with me and I will feel oh so lucky.

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Apocalypse, Judgement day, Ragnarok.

David Hasselhoff VS. Chuck Norris

Speed: 6
Strength: 8
Stamina: 10
Star quality: 6
Manliness: 4
Haircut: 8
Awesomeness: 7

Total count: 49

Special abilities:

`Scream of Ironman`
A loud growl stunning the opponent, causing the blood to freeze
and turning every woman within a radius of five miles on.
If you're lucky you get to experience this while he is wearing Speedos.
Really small Speedos.

`Breath of death`
He basically sucks in air into his gigantic lungs
until there's no air left to breath, causing death by suffocation.
Or by impressiveness.

Speed: 10
Strength: 8
Stamina: 6
Star Quality: 5
Manliness: 10
Haircut: 1
Awesomeness: 10

Total count : 50

Special abilities:

`Lethal Roundhouse-kick`
By getting in the right stance, he can roundhouse-kick you so bad,
you will go back in time and tell your parents to use rubber
the night you were conceived.
Rarely seen, but when performed, is so demanding of power
that the sun needs to put some log on the fire.

`Texasian Stare`
When cornered, there will be no hesitation from his side to use this ability.
His eyelids will lock in position and a stare will embark upon you so intense, you can feel your balls taking cover inside your soon-to-be-smashed body.
This move is mostly recongized by the whordes of elefents running to the hills.

Bet your money now people, for when the fight starts it will not end until earth has self-destructed and one of these perfect examples of natures control through genes, stands as the winner.

God speed!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

the First and the Greatest! Vol. 1

Greetings from Optimus Prime. I have taken over this blog, for the time being. What are you going to do? Kill me? Rumours have it that I already am dead, Death is just to scared to come around and let me know about it.

But such trivial stories have not brought me here, in fact I hate stories.
I am here to let you know that you...yes YOU better check out my new movie coming out during 2007. That's in two months you imbecile, 60 days.

Some have asked me: "Hey Mr. Prime, what's with the truck? Can't you be anything meaner, like hmmm... gee I don't know... a supermassiveultrahyperfast machine OF PURE DEATH?"

You stupid kids. Stupid.

I AM already a supermassiveultrahyperfast piece of machinery made in the powerplant of DEATH. The truck thingy is just for caring shit around, I trust but no one to take care of my stuff.

Enough of this ranting, I have a universe to save, and Decepticons to brutally slaughter.

So good bye for now, and when you go to sleep tonight turn not to God.
Turn to Optimus, or I will fly to those clouds from which acid rain drop and kick the beegeezez out of this creature whom you refer to as "God".
He has been hogging up all the good prayers for about 2000 years. You think he actually cares? He isn't payed nearly enough to listen to you, I on the other hand can hear, see and know all.

And kill all too. Remember that.

Over and out. May life sell you short.